Dan and I were celebrating our 10 year anniversary in Turks and Caicos in August 2014 when the media announced that Robin Williams had died by suicide. We were both shocked and bewildered - we commiserated about his death and together we questioned how a seemingly happy man could ever die in this manner. 

Never, in a million years, did I think that my own husband would die by suicide just 2.5 years later. And I don’t think Dan thought he would die by suicide then, or ever, either. In fact, I think we both would’ve bet the farm that suicide would’ve *never* impacted our family.

But it did.

When things get “bad bad,” a rational thought cannot enter an irrational mind and that’s the God’s honest truth. Google “impulsive suicide” - you’re gonna be shocked just how little time it takes for an irrational, traumatized brain to think suicide is a good idea. Having a gun available inside your home = chance of instant death multiplied by the thousands. (Impulsive suicides can have access to knives but they don’t go stabbing themselves - the facts are the facts.) And I’m mostly talking handheld guns. Dan used a 9mm with hollow-point bullets - I’ll let your imagination run wild with what I, his widow, read on his autopsy report when he had no exit wound. 

And people wonder why I hate guns….

When they say ”thoughts become things,” well, sometimes those thoughts are detrimental, multi-life changing thoughts. 

I hope, with all my heart, if you’re ever thinking those thoughts, and think that life will be ‘some better kind of way’ without you in it that you seek guidance. We now have 988 to call or text in that moment. I wish it had been around when Dan was still alive, but I’m so grateful it exists now. National suicide awareness month is September, and here’s a reminder to check on your friends whom you haven’t spoken to in a while. And maybe check in on the ones you’re least worried about - they might be the ones carrying more than they let on. 

And maybe think about ditching the handheld guns. Dan had his in a small gun safe that only his fingerprints could open, but in that weakest moment, the gun my husband bought to protect our family is indeed what destroyed it.