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When I was 14, my trainer told me teenagers like me were the reason the British sent their kids to boarding school. It was an incredibly hard thing to hear, and until a year or two ago, I don’t think I truly understood the life lesson behind it.
It had been a rough day. My mare was coming back from an injury and we were struggling to communicate. Even before that she was NOT an easy horse. She made you earn everything. In a very frustrated moment, I blamed my horse, committing a pretty big sin as a rider, and my trainer was not going to let me get away with it. I needed to own my part in the communication challenge I was facing with my horse. Admitting your short comings as a 14-year-old is hard, but it is an incredible lesson.
14 year old me, and Casey, my overly opinionated and sassy mare.
Flash forward and I am finally really starting to own who I am, flaws mistakes and all. For those playing along at home, it has been a long 15 years of learning, and I would not say I am perfect at it by any means. But lately that lesson has been extra important. COVID19 has hit us all like a ton of bricks. I have days where I stare at my laptop, trying to get things done, but nothing happens. It’s like my brain is stuck. It is insanely frustrating, and I know I am not alone.
So what is my truth? Along with people across the globe, I am witnessing a terrifying piece of history. Mental Health professionals are calling what we are all facing right now TRAUMA, and it truly is. I mean look at us, we are so scared of a virus that we Lysol our mail and groceries (I’m not saying this is wrong, I do it, and encourage you to as well).
Right now I can get mad at myself for not functioning at peak performance, or, I can give myself grace. I can accept that there are going to be moments as I navigate this, as ALL of us navigate this new strange semi-normal, that I don’t feel okay. That I don’t function at my best. And that is okay. I am not, and will never be perfect. But I can accept me for me, and work each day to be a little better version of me, even if that victory is that I put on real pants (you know with zippers and a button) before 10am every day this week.
Know yourself, know your truth and LOVE who you are, own who you are. If you make a mistake, it is okay, but OWN it. Own you, because the flaws and stripes you wear are perfectly you. - Allie